It's 9 pm in California. 9:01 to be exact. This is relevant information because that's where I am writing to you from. I flew into LAX yesterday (Saturday), and after a full day and a half, I am only slightly sun-kissed. The 9 hours on a plane yesterday are finally catching up to my body, too. I was (mostly) fine and dandy through the airports with my pushing-the-limit "personal item." Even more so earlier today when I put over 10,000 steps in (I don't do this often, feel free to judge me, my hips like to sublux, call it an excuse, I call it uncomfortable.)
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I finally met my best friend's baby, and I'm pretty confident we're best friends, too.
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It's been 3 years (well, 2 years 11 months, but who's counting?) since I moved from Long Beach to Western Mass. It was a truly surreal feeling when I saw the port on the horizon, knowing what was across a couple of bridges. Mae (my dog) came on this trip; she's up to 18 flights now. We're counting the voyage yesterday as two flights, even though we didn't get off the plane. See, I am happy with temporary discomfort if it means saving money, so I buy the cheapest plane tickets (RIP Spirit), and don't pay for a bag because I have compression packing cubes and a will. Hence, the pushing-the-limit description earlier. We flew Breeze Airlines, and we had what they call a "breeze through," meaning the plane landed, some people got off, new people got on, while my dog and I stayed on the plane. She was only slightly confused. We took off and landed twice, I call that two flights for Mae Mae's impressive travel log. This dog has seen some MILES. I don't even want to try to quantify the number of hours I've listened to her whine incessantly while driving from coast to coast and everywhere in between. Side note- if you're wondering how she flies, well, I've tried many an SSRI and SNRI, and no drugs seem to shake the depression/ anxiety that could possibly be misdiagnosed because the acronym C-PTSD has also been thrown around while describing my nervous system. (Most) Drugs don't work. (looking at my bottle of ritalin with hearts in my eyes) You know what does? My dog. Without her, there would be days, weeks, who knows, where I wouldn't get out of bed. She literally NEEDS me. She has no thumbs. She fell off a cliff for fucks sake. I have to take care of her, even when I don't have the will to take care of myself. So, she has been prescribed to me as a psychiatric service dog. She might cry incessantly in the car, but when we are in the sky, she likes to prove that she is an absolute angel. (I'll insert some images below)
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That surreal feeling has hit me a few times since I landed. I saw a friend I haven't spoken to much since I moved yesterday, you know the type, you might not always connect, but when you do, it's like no time has passed. I had a moment where I realized how few times I have sat and chatted with friends (not on the phone) over the past three years, and it was heavy. It was a moment where I recognized how lonely I had gotten, without fully realizing it. I felt guilty, almost, for leaving a place that feels so full of love and excitement. On the other hand, I might have recognized the loneliness, but I'm also really proud of who I have become since the last time I was here. Plus, I found a big, huge love in Massachusetts; many things can exist simultaneously.
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This morning, around 3 am, my old neighbor (roommate I didn't share a kitchen or bathroom with), and her lovely partner came home. They graciously opened their home to me this week, and although I was a bit groggy because I was obviously previously asleep and wonky from a long day of travel, a surreal moment hit again. Taylor and I were hugging, and we both felt like no time had passed.
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Later in the morning, between 8 and 9 am, I got to see my best friend, Ziv, for the first time since her wedding a little over two years ago. A similar moment happened in that hug. Its honestly been a really long time since I've hugged this many people in such a short time. I'm not trying to be sad, I swear, we can leave that in weeks past, and probably save some for future weeks, too. Being 2,500 miles and 3 hours time difference away from important people is hard, though. Can't a girl just have it all, damnit?!
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I should also mention that shortly after Ziv and I had a walk that felt timeless, I got to meet the baby I mentioned earlier. She's over a year old, so still a baby, but walking and talking, and so dexterous. I was told she would probably like me because I have a dog, but I think she likes me for me. Best friends with a baby, check.
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I'm here until Friday morning, I take my rental car back by 10 am, then I get on a plane at 12 noon in California and land in Hartford just before Midnight. Yes, we have another breeze through, and I'm hoping for some familiar flight attendants. If no one has ever told you, bring them snacks. They can make your life in the sky amazing. When Spirit was my go-to, I got free snacks. FREE snacks on SPIRIT. I like to gift the flight attendants/ crew chocolate bars & HiChews. Always a hit. TSA cannot take any gifts from you, though, I asked, the guy who had to pat Mae down was very kind.
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I'm sure there will be more surreal moments. I've got a few people and places I need to see, yet. Maybe if this little spark survives, I'll tell you about them next week. Until then, I'm going to be sure to enjoy myself. I hope you enjoy yourself, too. I think its kindof the whole point, ya know? We all die. Have fun. Enjoy yourself. Pet dogs (after you ask). Make your heart happy. Be depressed sometimes, too. Don't limit the range of emotions you can experience as a human. They're all beautiful.
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